What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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