Only a mothe r could love this liver
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
