seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
