I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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