You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
