It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
be right there i have to get my cape
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
