this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
