$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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