Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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