Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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