hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
