so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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