I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
