I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Just cropdusted the office
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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