sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
