I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
