we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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