he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
