everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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