I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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