Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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