Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
