I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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