I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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