just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
