you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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