dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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