I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
