Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
