Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
