I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
