How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
