Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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