what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
