...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize