Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
