I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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