Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
