you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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