he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
