yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Randomize
