i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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