It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
