I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
