And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
