so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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