I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
