apparently the secret to your success is patron
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
