Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
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Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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