Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Michael Bay diarrhea
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
