Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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