i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
