he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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