Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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