Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
