I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
