dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
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