im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
