Joe is yelling at the trees again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I party with great urgency now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
