he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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