She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
