Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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