At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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