You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
