marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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