Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(817): View more from Texas

Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.

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(212): View more from New York

He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"

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(757): View more from Virginia

At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

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(219): View more from Indiana

I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.

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(740): View more from Ohio

I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?

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(810): View more from Michigan

GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.

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(334): View more from Alabama

As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.

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(512): View more from Texas

That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name

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