Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
